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head against the sky.

[ theres things, you might now know. | livejournal userinfo ]
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(no subject) [Jul. 13th, 2007|05:12 pm]
so erh,
I have begun to realize that the last two entries on my livejournal were quite depressing.
Sorry about that.

I noticed everyone gets on livejournal to talk about how depressed they are.

Therefore, I'm kicking livejournal in the butt.

Bye livejournal!
It hasn't been fun.
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I can't quit crying. [Jul. 9th, 2007|02:20 am]
everything is broken around me and everyone's looking to me as some sort of glue

I'M FIFTEEN,
LEAVE ME ALONE.

I'M FIFTEEN,
DON'T YOU GET THAT?!?!?!!?

Only God is keeping me from a nervous breakdown.
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SOMETIMES [Jul. 3rd, 2007|10:06 am]
I wish I just wasn't so stupid.
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Dreams [Jun. 11th, 2007|01:16 pm]
I never dream in my sleep.
But as of late, I've been dreaming non-stop.
I've been dreaming when I'm awake.
Last night, I would have a dream, wake up, have another dream, wake up etc.
I hate dreams. They either depress you or let you down when you awake and realize it's not real.
I prefer daydreaming.
It's so lovely, you choose exactly what's going to happen.

Funny, I watched the science of sleep last night.
linkwrite notes.

know what? [May. 28th, 2007|10:47 pm]
I'm mad.
In fact, I'm really really mad.
And you know what?
It feels good.
It's not a "eff you" mad
it's a "you all did me wrong, and I'm angry" mad.
And I have every reason to feel this way.
I'm going to make my life the way I want it to be,
and nobody is going to hurt me that has done me wrong, anymore.
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fourth place. [May. 27th, 2007|08:46 pm]
not bad.
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- [May. 23rd, 2007|07:40 pm]
"It is obvious what kind of life develops out of trying to get your own way all the time: repetitive, loveless, cheap sex; a stinking accumulation of mental and emotional garbage; frenzied and joyless grabs for happiness; trinket gods; magic-show religion; paranoid loneliness; cutthroat competition; all-consuming-yet-never-satisfied wants; a brutal temper; an impotence to love or be loved; divided homes and divided lives; small-minded and lopsided pursuits; the vicious habit of depersonalizing everyone into a rival; uncontrolled and uncontrollable addictions; ugly parodies of community. I could go on."

(Galations 5:19-21 THE MESSAGE)
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Guess what I'm getting for my birthday? [May. 22nd, 2007|11:25 pm]


It's fantastic, because it only fits two people, so I never have to give a bunch of kids rides.
I think I'm going to get a pink one.
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All Up In Knots, I am. [May. 22nd, 2007|01:04 am]
Last night was so much fun. It started off with baking muffins. Then it went on to licking the spoon. Then it went on to food poisioning from the raw egg in the batter. Then it went on to the stomach ache from hell, and and a awful panic attack.

So you can imagine I was up very late last night. Tonight was dance class, and I flubbed up left and right. During drills I kept loosing balance and landing on my heels...and I felt like passing out during my dances...I got exhausted in my reel...who gets exhausted in their reel? Honestly now...

It's bothering me to no end because this weekend I'm going to memphis for my preliminary championship. I haven't done a championship in three years, and I just don't feel ready. It's so reassuring to not even be able to get through your dances on time 6 days before the championship. I've been doing so well, I'm just worried now.

Oh well, I have tuesday, wednesday and friday to practice...and thursday I have one more class...Pray for me...

...I'm sure it doesn't make sence to you but this, Irish Dance...means everything to me (Besides the Good Lord, of course.)
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I went up to the mountain. [May. 20th, 2007|11:06 pm]
Because you asked me to.

It's been a bit, yes.

What thrill, what thrill.
I feel like I'm on fire and it's a great fire.
I can breathe, once again.
My soul feels like skin dipped in a cool sea.
I am not happy, no.
I am peaceful.
And I couldn't ask for anything else.

To say that God took ahold of me is an understatement.
To have you read a story on the past four months of my life would take too long, and it is too personal for me to tell you. But I'll have you know, these past four months have been the hardest months I have ever encountered in my whole entire life. I have not felt such sorrow since my grandfather passed away 6 years ago.

And then suddenly, one day, it was over. And God showed me the sun again. And it lights up my face daily.

Never have I loved God so much. Never have I ever felt so sure.
"It's not some fleeting feeling, it's eternal peace in which I am reeling"
-Bradley Hathaway

I feel like for the first time I have direction, peace, and love. I have love. For every person and everything I see. And I know all of this is going nowhere.

It hurt when God had to dicipline me so much, but then I remember Peter. He asked Peter three times "Do you really love me?" and I'm sure Peter was unbelieveably hurt. He gave his life up to follow Christ, and here Christ sits in front of him and asks him three times in one night. As you know, later that night, he denied Christ three times. He truly believed that he loved Christ with everything within him, but Christ knew that he didn't love him just enough. And after he denied Christ, he felt great sorrow and ran back to relationship with Jesus. I am positive that he became stronger after this.

That is what God did to me.



I'm not quite sure what I'm going to do with my life.
I'm not sure what tomorrow is going to bring me.
All I know is that I love God. And that if I'm always walking in the direction towards him, I will always have peace.

Goodnight.
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so, [Mar. 13th, 2007|01:25 pm]
I live in Franklin, Tennessee.
I cut my hair, it's rather short.
I'm dancing with the Nashville Irish Step Dancers.
We performed for the Nashville Symphony and The Franklin Street Fair last saturday.
I have a church, Midtown. We meet at rocketown, the venue. Heck yea.
I can hear a train in my living room. It gets loud, at times.
My sister moved in with us for a while.
She has a cheery little cat, manduren.
We had freezing cold weather for about a month, some snow and whatnot...
and spring is finally here. My bare arms met the tennessee air for the first time the other day.
I'm trying to raise 200 smackas to get to Bonnaroo. We're talking Regina Spektor, The Decemberists..
Mat Kearney asked me to be in his music video, but I can't. Sucks, would have been on mtv.
I caught the flu and everything in my body hurts. Missing dance class tonight.
In the past few weeks, I've been to:
Atlanta, three times.
Dallas, Texas.
St. Louis, Missouri.
And in two weeks I'm off to West VA.

:)
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helloh [Jan. 23rd, 2007|08:54 pm]
[Current Location |tampa, for two more nights.]
[I feel | anxious]
[tunes. |copeland]


I leave thursday morning! How time has passed. Here's a blog, for all you crazy little bloggernauts.



It's going to snow February 1st. Considering that February is my second favourite month, having it snow of the first day of such a month, is just marvelous.

My mom had to pick up a truck today, so I got to drive home alone in my little red 2006 pontiac vibe, singing jazz and bluegrass all through the night. I can not wait to be able to legally drive alone. I think my soul will explode. There is something so comforting to my soul, being able to travel by myself.

A survey for you, for you for you.

48 ODD Things About You

If you opened this, FILL IT OUT! Learn
50 things about your friends, and let
them learn 50 things about you!

1. How tall are you barefoot?
5'7" ish.

2. have you ever smoked heroin?
No.

3. Do you own a gun?
Yes.

5. Do you get nervous before "meeting the parents?"
Never really had to do such a thing, when I met an old love's parents, they kind of just ran up to me at church and pretended they already knew me, so it was okay.

6. What do you think of hot dogs?
I haven't had one in 8 years, and I won't ever again.

7. What's your favorite Christmas song?
The Christmas Song by The Raveonettes.

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
Tea.

9. Can you do push ups?
Need to work on that. I can only do about three.

10. Is your bathroom clean?
Yes, my mom hired a maid today for the first time.

11. What's your favorite piece of jewelry?
A necklace I bought at a little store I found in Orlando. It's a white flat stone with flowers and such painted on it.

12. Do you like painkillers?
If they work.

13. What is your secret weapon to lure someone you like?
Shh.

14. Do you hate any of your exs?
No. In fact, one is a close friend of mine, now.

15. Do you have a dog?
my little monkeybearboobuh. Copper, the mutt.

17. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment?
Devendra makes me happy. Copeland's new cd is pure joy. I really need to pack.

18. what's your normal bed time?
anywhere between 12:30am and 4:00am

19. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink:
tea, latte's, water (I no longer drink soda)

20. What time did you wake up today?
12, I think? I don't know. All I know is my mum woke me up because she wanted me to go to lunch with her.

21. Current worry?
Not getting my house packed up in time, and falling apart when I have to say goodbye to my brother and my best friends tomorrow night.

23. Current hate?
Having to say goodbye.

24. Favorite place to be?
Nashville :), Ybor. Moe's with Kelsey.

25. Least favorite place to be?
On the interstate between FL and GA. Once you pass Ocala, it gets really erie and depressing. But, once you hit the Georgia state line, all joy rushes in, because you're just like "Hell, I'M OUT OF FLORIDA!"

27. Do you own slippers?
Mum threw them out.

28. What shirt are you wearing
Grace family chuch "Community Changers" shirt.

29. Do you burn or tan?
Burn. But I am a stickler when it comes to SPF 75, so I rarely ever burn.

30. Favorite color(s)?
Yellow. But a baby yellow. No strong, harsh yellow. Nonono.

31. would you be a pirate?
I am one. My first memory ever was my brother tying me to a tree and poking me with his plastic sword. And I was loosing the battle because my eyepatch was so big it nearly fell over both eyes.

32. Last time you kissed somebody?
8 days ago. But it was on the cheek.

33. What songs do you sing in the shower?
I rarely sing in the shower. And when I do, I make it up as I go.

34. What did you fear was going to get you at night as a child?
Vintage people from the photographs my mum had on the mantle in our old house. They were going to climb out from under my bed with very long fingernails, and they were going to attack me. Luckily enough, they climbed out, and we all became friends.

35. What's in your pockets right now?
Nothing.

36. Last thing/person that made you laugh?
My dad. Er, Dat. He gets mad if I don't call him Dat. Don't ask why.

37. Best bed sheets you had as a child?
Scooby Doo. I adored him, because he looked like my dog.

38. Worst injury you've ever had?
probably my knee, when I dragged by a car

39. If you could cheat on your spouse, would you?
I do not have a spouse, but one day, when I do have a spouse...let me be succinct.
HELL NO.

40. Are your parents still together?
Yes.

41. Does someone hate you?
I certanly hope not.

42. Do you wish on shooting stars?
No

43. What is your favorite book?
The book of Life. I've never read harry potter, but I can promise you, if I read them, I'd fall in love.

44. What is your favorite candy?
Yorke's, Aero Bubbly (english candy), Watermelon Jolly Ranchers, Junior Mints :)

45. What song do/did you want played at your wedding?
A few songs from damien rice would be nice.

46. What song do you want played at your funeral?
the trapeeze swinger by iron and wine. And something by mewithoutYou, and eisley, because they summed up a lot about me.

47. What were you doing 12 AM last night?
praying.

48. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up?
ugh, why.?!
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- [Jan. 2nd, 2007|01:20 am]
[Current Location |a comforting little brown couch.]
[I feel | enthralled]

I'm all off-balance, sleep wise, because of Kelsey's new years party.
Went to bed at 7:45, it's not 1:20, can't sleep, and I have to wake up in seven hours to go get my permit.

Words can not express how thrilled and hopeful I am for 2007. Something stirs in my soul everytime I think about the fact that I'm fifteen and it's 2007, now. I've waited and waited to bid 2006 a not so fond fair-the-well. I've waited and waited so long for many things, and now, the time is coming for everything to happen, and I can't believe how alive I am. Every breath seems to soothe my soul, and every thought for the future seems to help me forget the painful thoughts of the past.

So many dreams seem to be taking shape and walking right next to me. I could sit at a piano all day and sing out every feeling I'm having. I could write ten books, and sing seventy songs, and not become tired.

I'm happy. Goodness gracious, I'm happy.

I'm happy that God was right. I'm happy that when he told me to keep pressing on, because I was just around the corner from something great, he was telling the truth. I'm happy that he loved me unconditionally, when I seemed to screw my life over so many times. I'm happy that he loves me enough to let my dreams begin to come true.

I love you all, let this year be a blessing to you, as I know it will be to me.

-Rissy Fae

she sits alone, in the night
the photograph maker
to her, everything was once bright
oh, the photograph maker

confused by the past and aching for more
she takes two toe steps,
and walks out her door.

she's not quite sure what she'll find,
but she knows if she doesn't try
she'll have every reason to die

she ran, her heart beating as hard as the summer rain
she never forgot her past, no she couldn't forget
it was etched into her soul like some sort of a carving
like some sort of a wood-carving

o the photograph maker
what became of her?
she took two toe steps out the door
was she heard from again?
was she in rome,
was she in spain?
was she with the wood nymphs, dancing in the rain?

never again did I see her face
the photograph maker, the photographer maker
but one thing, I'll always be assured of
the day she left
is the day her life began.

So don't cry for the photograph maker
she's with her heart, wherever it takes her
so don't weep for the photograph maker
she's found the sun, once again.
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- [Dec. 17th, 2006|02:20 am]
I'm moving in three weeks, unreal.

I'm going to be driving in thirteen days.

My family is coming down, for christmas. It's nice. We haven't had the whole family together since I was 8, so it's going to be just like old times. Running about, last minute mall trips, the romeo and julliet play we used to put on, singing "cousins, cousins" to the tune of "sisters, sisters"

My life is going by, way too fast.
I'm just, well, Goodnight. Physical exaust.

Ris.
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and the sea was dancing all about me. [Aug. 10th, 2006|01:14 am]
[tunes. |keane is playing in my head.]

You know what is wrong?
With my photography,
with my additude,
with my music?

I am lacking inspiration here.
So much.
Tampa, is a grey rag.

There is nothing beautiful here. There is nothing here to wake up every morning for.
I wake up, I work.
I get 10 text messages,
I go to bed.

There is more to life than this and i have every intention on finding out what that is!

I'm moving by january to tennessee. Thankthe blessed lord. Nashville will help so much.

I don't want any of you, tampa people to think I don't care about you.
NO! I love you all so much.
You are blessed dears to me and you all have my heart.
But, I know my future does not lie here.

God has made that very clear...

It is time for me to pack my bags and say fare-thee-well.

I'm going to crycrycry tears tears tears when I have to say goodbye to you.
and you, and you.

but, I have to follow my future.
I have to chase my dreams.

iloveyou,andgoodnight.
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